Here is the basic route I have in mind but of course it will change. I'll stop for a night at my cousins in Crossville TN which is only 2 hours out. Then I'll drop the boat anchor motor off at Wallys which is in East Tennessee.

I plan to go slow and take my time. I need to figure out if most RV park type campgrounds have Wifi, I know lots of them do. I actually want to plot some stopping points and try to get off the interstates when it makes sense to do so.

Along those lines I really think I'm going to invest in a GPS. I'm hoping I can find one that will have all the campgrounds/free wifi spots regardless of where I am. I figure the gizmo will pay for itself in wrong turns and searching for things that I can just look up on the GPS and let it route me there.

Today the wife moved into her own place and I feel really raw. I really don't know where we are headed up I do hope she realizes that I know I'm fucking things up but that does not necessarily mean that we cannot work out a solution and future together. Maybe we can't, I don't know. I just know I really need to rebuild my relationship with my son and that will not happen even if he comes for 5 weeks this summer. He needs more than that.

Sooooo busy.

These two entries in my bank account sum up my life in an interesting way.

Apr 21, 2008 PAYPAL *STEELBUG DEBIT CARD PURCHASE ($2,285.00)

Apr 23, 2008 DEBIT CARD REBATE $16.59

Apr 23, 2008 INTEREST PAID $0.09

Long story short the rebuilt longblock I bought from the semi-local builder was JUNK. (The builder said he would give me my cash back when I bring him the longblock in June). The good news is that because I had some cash saved up and I am debt free I bought a 100% brand new longblock from one of the most respected engine builders in the country. It is a stock size motor but it is Chico's "TM" motor which has a bullet proof cam and lifters that provide excellent torque, reliability, and fuel efficiency.

With running dual carbs I should be shooting for 28 miles per gallon - even in my loaded down westy. Considering it's basically a huge metal loaf of bread on wheels that is excellent.

I’m going to run my stock single carb setup and see what mileage I’m getting. Then I can research and calculate how many miles I would have to drive before a dual carb setup paid for itself. I expect to be paying $4.00-$5.00 a gallon this year. I can swing it as long as I have my techy job plus if I am not paying for things like rent and utilities and spending money on crap that I don’t need.

What is really interesting about those entries is the debit card rebate I got back. Because I am debt free everything goes through my debit card and I get some nifty cash back plus interest every month. It is so satisfying having my money work for me rather than buying on credit and paying out the wazoo as I used to do not that long ago.

Even though my bus is gutted, my engine is apart and I’m awaiting for my longblock to arrive on Tuesday, and I’m working my ass at my office job I feel good about being ready.

And the weather is whispering me to travel north……someday soon it will be a scream.

Highlights include me giving notice to my landlord. June first is the day now.

I’ve made good progress – all the mechanical things are DONE. Rebuilt engine seems good and healthy although I am a bit skeptical of the quality of the build. I very well may be broke down somewhere this year cursing the guy that built it but hey, it will be an adventure.

I’ve moved to working on the interior. Lots of work to do. Hard to gauge how many hours things will take as I am a novice wood worker.

Work is nuts – like 65 hours plus a week nuts. Makes it hard to work on my bus plus selling/giving things away. Even less time to sit and write and think. Someday, I will have time to really sit back and ponder – that is my hope.

Blah blah – wah wah – pretty blooming tree thing:

Spent the majority of the day working on the rig. It now has about 40 feet on the rebuilt engine. I’m not quiet at the point where I can give it a clean bill of health as it seems the lifters are making a lot of noise. Has some tin rubbing the pulley which sounded awful but I need to triple check the valve adjustment and complete the tune up. I really hope it’s good to go – crosses toes.

Wife helped me bleed the brakes after replacing the rear brake hoses – brakes are now 100% and then some. Also have the primary/auxiliary battery working beautifully and have the fuse box wired for running all the interior electrical thingies.

This is so much work – after I know engine is good I’m going to turn in my 60 days notice to my current rental situation. Which puts first day full timing to be June 1st plus or minus.

I snapped this pic just before I installed it. I’ve gotten quite fast at removing and installing the motor – I take my time on purpose as that is just how I work but it took just a few mins to get it all bolted up and mating with the transmission. I remember back with my first bus I spent hours and hours trying to install the engine the second time. Experience is so important and so valuable.

I feel so different then when I was a “young adult” – late teens and early 20s and it’s all because of experience. Life is really interesting in that I can go through hell and somehow it is transformed into something valuable.

My experiences leading up to me getting and staying sober were among the most difficult in my life yet I continue to yield dividends every moment from those experiences. I give meaning to the meaningless.

But throw in the aspect of human relationships and this simplification gets extremely complicated. Like taking a number and cubing it and cubing it yet again it is something completely different. Or like I remember in the original Star Treks Spock would play chess but it was like 3D chess.

Why are human relationships so incredibly complicated and hard to figure out? Why with just myself I can seem to get a grasp on my humanity but throw in another person and it’s like I can view the situation a ten thousand different ways? When events happen I think one thing and then when I look back I view the situation totally different.

Anyway – we are going to counseling again and it has me thinking. Our counselor is truly the best counselor I have ever worked with either as a patient or professionally. But I’m again reminded of the complexity of the marriage and situation – and I can so appreciate things like my Volkswagen which are completely physical and logical.

With experiences I become more efficient and better working on Volkswagens but with relationships it’s like I get worse.

Thanks to my new LJ friends and the add backs. I mainly scoured the “add me” type communities for folks 30+ and 40+. I myself am 30 but I am certainly high mileage for my year. I prefer older friends. I want friends that are not necessarily older but have an experienced quality to them. It is nice to write in this journal for eyes other than my own.

Today has been productive. After days of not feeling like doing anything I did the following: fixing fuel gauge, fixed fuel tank vent lines, retorqued cv joints (have maybe 8-10K miles since I did them and they needed to be snugged up just a tad, replaced rear brake hoses in effort to get rear passenger side wheel cylinder to bleed correctly, filled transmission with gear oil, and last but not least got the engine installed (physically still need to hook up fuel and electrical).

Basically I’ve worked all day except a trip to the auto parts store and eating a big bowl of oatmeal and now typing up a post. Productivity always makes me feel better about myself and my life.

So now I need to spend some time wrapping up – putting away tools and such and then I need to give the dog a bath. It has been about a year I think and she smells like Dog. I’ve decided to not use dog shampoo but to use my own on her. So yep – she is getting the Natures Gate shampoo and conditioner treatment.

Then tonight more ebay listing/packing/shipping. Plus I need to redo my craigslist ads which might have expired already.

Tonight I did some searching to find some LJ friends for this journal. And looking back I realized the majority of this journal so far has been about preparing for living in my VW camper. I’m at the point where I feel comfortable enough with this journal to actually write about other things as well – even though I know I have done this already in pits and pats.

To be honest I have had trouble with motivation to continue the engine install in the past couple days. Tonight I have been glued to the internets – listening to Cat Power and being semi-annoyed over the next door neighbors who are obviously having a night of drinking, yelling, and smashing things.

I was a consumer today – I went to Target and spend 40 something dollars. Actually I have been spending a good deal of money in the preparations. I became debt free last year – and I am truly 100% debt free but I haven’t been able to really save much yet. Of course I figure once I start living in my VW the biggest expense of the month will vanish. I may stay part time or full time in an RV type park but still the monthly rate would be about a third of what I’m paying rent.

The point is I’m able to justify buying things I need as I see the future savings will be worth it. And I’ll be selling more and more on craigslist and ebay as I get rid of more and more “stuff”.

I’m reading an interesting book: How Starbucks Saved My Life. I can read pretty fast – read about half of it this afternoon. I do skim some and I can’t read fiction this fast. Actually to be honest I haven’t read fiction since college. I just can’t get into it. I love non-fiction – biographies, personal accounts, info/how to type books. Reading to me is more about learning than entertainment. I do get a bit jealous of fiction readers because I know they truly enjoy it.

And LJ has really changed – I read some of the latest controversies. My paid account on my other journal expired and now it has lots of ads. Folks just seem so much ruder on the journal than they did seven years ago. It certainly is quite a bit different but I’m grateful for what has remained constant. It’s a bit between social networking and blogging….or perhaps the best of both.

A major pending acquisition of another business is making my work crazy crazy. I wasn’t having any dull moments before hand but lots of moving parts and changes are happening at once. Plus I am still the middle of mechanical work on the rig – have the transmission sealed up – identified the wires I need to fix to get fuel gauge working – some progress but not a ton. Hard to work on the bus on weekdays when I get home at 8pm and I'm totally wore out.

I did find an Optima deep cycle battery on craigslist for $50 and will make a 25-30 min drive to pick it up but I had budgeted about $150 for my deep cycle battery so I feel I’m coming out ahead on that one. Then I will be in place for setting up my aux electrical system – I have a bit of the wiring in place but now I get to pump juice through it and make sure everything is as it should be. I researched getting two 6 volt deep cycle batteries and running in series as that give huge increase in lifespan and storage capacity but all the 6 volts I come across are as big and heavy as a 12 volt and space & weight issues trump power.

Thinking about the overall weight and keeping it to a minimum is a big priority. It will be a huge factor especially in building the cabinets as overall they are pretty heavy and I’m hoping that with the best design and materials I can shave off quite a few pounds. More weight not only equals more cash spent at the pumps but also over years and thousands of miles can shorten engine life. Bus engines last shorter than bug engines due to that simple fact.

Even though I know my bus will be heavy and loaded – it will have a freshly built engine to push it plus tires with the correct ratings – which hopefully are being dropped off at my doorstep as I type.

Started another round of mechanical work on the bus. It’s just a wee bit stressful because in a relatively short amount of time I want to be living in this thing. Yet as I type it lies still in my garage with the transmission open. Yes. I opened up the transmission. Theoretically you can replace the shaft seal without pulling the plate thing off but not for me.

Engine is ready to install, I just need to fix the fuel gauge, install previously mentioned seal, fix the fuel tank vent lines and install the rear brake hoses. Hopefully soon the engine will be firing up for the first time and rings settling in for a long life of thousands and thousands of trouble free miles.

I have to give 60 days notice so I’m always trying to figure out when I’ll have the courage to give notice. March 15th is the earliest which spells May 15th move out. April 1st – June 1st is probably a less stressful realistic goal. Selling selling selling on ebay still as well as craigslist plus I have a good sized pile for a yard sale.

My one piece of antique furniture left with my Mum this morning along with the ficus tree. Soon I will be trying hard to sell my other engine, then shortly after that I’ll need to figure out when I want to sell the 65 Beetle. That should total between 2 and 3 grand which will go directly to savings/investments. Most of the “stuff” I need has already been purchased with the big exception of wood for the interior cabinet rework. This may turn out to be a much bigger expensive in terms of both cash and hours but of course the mechanical work is priority. I envious my last weeks just finishing up the interior, selling the last of my stuff and getting ready to vacate my brick home for a German made home on wheels.

Oh – and I ordered my new set of tires. I’ve been wanting/researching these for about two years and bit the bullet. What I want is so specific and fairly uncommon I’m going to save about 100 bucks by having them shipped via Fed Ex. These are just a bit bigger than the stock size and I will have even more clearance to find out of the way places to camp and live. I will be able to travel some roads that say 4x4 only due to the high clearance – all the weight in the back with the drive train.

I also ordered a NICE cooler. Coleman steel – red in color. I researched this dilemma for HOURS. Hard to find smaller coolers with a drain – I had planned on that living in a cabinet and draining out the same hole as the sink. But I just couldn’t find one like I had envisioned so I got a nice big cooler which of course doubles as other things – a seat and step stool. Plus I hope to be able to store pretty much all my food things in it in water tight containers so stuff doesn’t get wet. I have a small luggage rack in back and the cooler solves the problem of what to use as a step stool to reach up there.

There are some things I want that aren’t really necessary, the Bus Depot awing for one.

And there’s so many little things I need to install in the bus – window scrapers – latches for pop top – other random things.

A picture of her do you say? Well here she is:

Little progress on the rig has been made lately. Rebuilt engine is ready to install – just need to do it. Being up and running with the new engine will make me feel a bit better. Scored a cooler on ebay – big red metal vintage style Coleman. It will be my fridge, pantry, seat, and stool. I had envisioned a smaller cooler fitting into a cabinet but decided against it. Makes sense to park – then I can pull the cooler out and allow for more room inside.

I have been selling lots of things (ebay, thesamba, craigslist) as well as giving away clothes to a homeless shelter and giving crap to Goodwill. I still have a good a lot of stuff left. My mum is going to let me store stuff in her garage which will be an engine, air compressor, tools/parts and a few boxes of personals. Trying to get those belongings to the bare minimum and may end up selling the air compressor. Actually my tattoo artist neighbor might be interested in that and I’m interested in him touching up my tat. There’s a thought.

Things with the spouse are actually going pretty darn well. Its cool to realize I’m married to this pretty awesome person and we are getting along. Who knows what the future holds but I really am enjoying things right now. It is one year of marriage on Friday. Sometimes I really doubt that I can change in ways that she needs me to. I am a selfish bastard when it comes to relationships and I can’t just magically fix that. I am willing to work on this marriage and I figure making it one year is a pretty big accomplishment considering what I’ve said and how this marriage has gone.

-D

What’s interesting is that I still have my old journal with lots of friends and communities yet I privatized all my entries and no longer update there. Yet I still read that journals friends page.

But over here I have yet to make my 1st LJ friend – although today I did add some interests and two communities. Progress. There is something to said about being anonymous on the journal. Over the years I have written posts that have upset folks. Once a LJ “friend” even emailed a post to someone that was not supposed to read it as that person was no longer on my friends list.

It’s great having a spouse on your friends list yet it is also very uncomfortable at times. Why am I not posting much anymore? Why am I posting publicly? Why did I privatize my entries? Why why why? I hate having to explain my journal or edit or delete posts because of reactions. That is not the point of a “journal”.

The point of a journal is to document ones life and perspective at that moment. Sometimes it is excruciatingly difficult to show others your perspective at the moment. Sometimes I don’t understand why I think the things that I think much less be able to express or explain them.

My interest with Obama started with I heard an interview on NPR shortly after he won his senate race. I thought his name was pretty weird and they way they said it I thought his name was Baracko Bama.

Flash forward I remember an interview when NPR asked if he was going to run for president. He would not confirm one way or another. Then - when he announced his candidacy I watched that speech and began to feel this excitement that was quickly extinguished by thoughts that there was just no possible way he could ever win the Democratic nomination.

I will admit I questioned his performance on the first few debates I saw. He seemed to be fantastic at speeches but not as effective in the debate process……but what Barack Obama excels at is improvement. He now is as impressive debating as he is speaking.

This campaign has been many firsts for myself. First time I have ever given money to any candidate, first time I have felt politically involved, first time I have visited a campaign center and spoke to those involved in the campaign locally………..also I called a few people in – crap I forgot which state – Nebraska to encourage people to vote for Obama.

Now there are a lot of Clinton and Obama supporters that will happily flip to the other candidate if their preferred candidate looses the nomination. I do not fall into this group. I will not vote for a Clinton again. I have always voted Democratic but I would vote McCain or independent if Clinton wins.

I get that she has so much more experience than Obama. But it is experience that I do not want in a president. She represents the old way of doing business in Washington, taking money from lobbyists, flip-flopping on issues (Iraq, NAFTA), and expecting to win elections based on how much cash they raise and spend.

Thank you Mr. Obama for running. And thank you to all my fellow Obama supporters (especially the Republican Obama supporters who are not afraid to cross party lines). Everyday more supporters are born and I consider everyone of you my friend.

So much to write about, yet have given writing so little time. What has been the focus of my life so far this year? Work, getting my rig ready, relationship/marriage stuff. March is so close – just about here. The first day of Spring will be here before I know it.

So basically I will be giving notice to the place I’m renting and embarking on the adventure of living full time in my 71 Westfalia. I’m unsure of so many things. Really time is what I’m unsure of. I want my new home to be 100% ready. And currently I have a great shop to work on my rig – yet I could spend years outfitting it.

The priority has been mechanics and I’ve already do so much to this rig before 2008 started but yet I still had a lot of work left. Last weekend saw the finish of the front end job – new ball joints, tie rods, wheel bearings, steering damper, rotors, pads, shocks all around. After a professional alignment my rig steers and handles like a dream. Like new.

But the unexpected happened with the motor I build. It was all together minus the flywheel and clutch. Well, happens the cam plug was not seated correctly and when the flywheel was torqued it wouldn’t spin. Big mistake both in terms of cash and hours. So I made a phone call and I’m getting a rebuilt long block delivered via Greyhound Bus from East Tennessee. I will be selling a 100% complete running engine (my current engine) hopefully that along with the sell of my beetle will provide somewhat of a financial cushion along with savings so I will not end up begging for food and gas – atleast in the near future.

What could take longer is the interior work. Finishing the secondary electrical system – setting up the sink – etc etc etc.

The marriage stuff is much more complicated. It feels like I’m snorkeling in a bay and the current keeps moving me back and forth and while I’m doing a lot of moving I really am not going anywhere. Yet I sure feel the power of both directions. We are separating but have been getting along so much better since that decision has been made. She has a new place in which she’s moving into very soon. A place in which made clear to her that nobody else can live.

I am entering this period of living in my rig full time and it’s just so hazy on where I will end up. At what point will I decide this is not what I want to do anymore? A month? A few months? Longer? Will I travel to the Northeast in the Summer and head back in the Fall. Will I only travel for a month or two and return to the not-so-great state of Tennessee??

Turning to more tangible subjects besides planning and working towards goals right now I have two passoniate interests. The first is the Barack Obama campaign in which I have given money, a wee bit of time, and I made two phone calls. Lots of first for both him, me, his campaign, our country and our world.

The other is TAL. This American Life – the radio program featured on so many public radio stations. I want to get the DVD for the first season of the TV series but I discovered I can stream every episode of the radio program. Pretty much everyday at work and at home if I am on a computer I am listening. I would be listening this second if this airport had a free wifi. I pitched a story idea to TAL on Friday, we’ll see if I ever hear back about it. I think it would be a truly fantastic story.

I remembered a story my father told me when I was about 10. We were driving from the coast of Texas and we drove by a nice sized body of water. He told me when he was a teenager he decided to swim across something very similar.

About halfway across he got tired. Very tired. He kept going but was beginning to have serious doubts that he could make it all the way across before his body gave out and he drowned. Then – he found a post just barely sticking out of the water. He grabbed this post and rested and rested. Then he was able to make it across no problem.

If he hadn’t found that post perhaps he would have died. And then I would have never been created. He took a risk and half way through he freaked out but in the end things worked out just fine.

That’s where I am right now. I’m in the middle of huge changes in my life. I have that panicked feeling as if maybe I shouldn’t have started this. But it is the right thing to do. This is my life and I have to do what I feel is the right decision regardless of how difficult it is. I am a survivor of sorts. I never give up and keep trudging on. This is a series of events in which I will come out on top.

Yesterday was full of emotion and sadness. No more. Too much work must be done.

Well here I am a month from the last post. Plans have been set into action. Lots of discussions with people. Explanations. A few arguments at times. I’ve been working hard – but has it been hard enough to get as much done as I want to in the given time frame?

This weekend is fading and I have made accomplishments but not quite as much as I’d like. My hands seems to have permanent grease on them. You know – that grease that is embedded so deep that it remains black even after washing my hands over and over and over with hand cleaner and soap.

I’m doing my front end. All of it. Installed new torsion arms with ball joints already installed. I’ve got the spindles and shocks back on but still have a ways to go – atleast I’ve worked through most of the unknown. New tie rods, new rotors and pads, new brake hoses, new steering damper – basically if it’s in the front and I haven’t replaced it I’m doing it now. Except the calipers. Hopefully that won’t haunt me nor will a bleeder valve break.

Doing some consulting work, going to focus on that now.

I don’t want to go into any specifics now but I feel big changes coming in my life. 08 will be quite a year.

I want to be on the road sometime around 3/21. A mountain of work must be done to be ready. I have a mountain of hours I can put into this. It’s hard to anticipate how long things will take and what the pitfalls will be. Its most cost effective to order parts and have the luxury to wait patiently for them to arrive compared to next day shipping or whatnot.

It is a huge challenge no doubt to get ready logistically. Plus on top of that I have to explain to other people what I am doing and why. I know many will not understand. This is a big source of stress and I have big feelings of guilt on what I feel I must do even though I feel beyond doubt it is the course of action I must take.

Howdy ho.

First entry on this brand new fresh journal. Make no mistake – I am no stranger to "The Journal" and have visited this site on just about a daily basis for over 6 years now.

But finally – after all that time – I am ready for a fresh start.

I choose not to make the mistake of saying this journal will be this and not that. I don’t know what it will become. I don’t know what I will become.

I do know this however. I plan on taking an extended road trip in 2008. It will include a lot of time in New England but other than that I don’t have any specific plans as of yet. My focus now is on preparation and the big goal is outfitting my traveling rig. Expect more about this endeavor soon. Boxes and boxes of parts are ready to be used. Lot of plans have been made although few on paper for the preparation. I want to make full use of having a great workspace to get the rig up to 95% done.

It is difficult to know the best way to outfit it as I have little experience of extended trip and living in my rig. Will the 4.5 fresh gallon tank be enough or should I go ahead and get the six? I figure I’ll have a jug to get fresh water so total I think I’ll have 6.5 when I top off and I don’t expect to be places without water for any period of time.

Its easy to get lost in the details.

Life has seemed the same for me in my 30 years on this planet. I get caught up in the details and loose sight of the big picture.

Anyways – before I get philosophical I’ll wrap up the customary first post. There will be plenty of time for that someday. So "Hello world!".